i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
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I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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