They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I think I just sharted jello shots
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