I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
