the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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