I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
