did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
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I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
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When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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