First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
They took my balls.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
