their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
