I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
