if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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