the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
