Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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