In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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