Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize