I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
