I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
