i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
