Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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