I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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