3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
