well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I AM VODKA MAN
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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