i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
