3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
