OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
