Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
