So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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