awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
