His pubic hair was longer than his dick
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
