Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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