you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
