oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
