I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
