I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
