just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
this will be a night to untag.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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