sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
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i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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