I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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