dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
