i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
