In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
