do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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