I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
