thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
