I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
