what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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