I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
