how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
