So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
zippers are such a cool invention
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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