Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
