peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
