just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
His nipple licking is glorious
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