Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
