You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
