I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
