I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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