New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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