Im at strip club and am horny
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
