Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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