I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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