god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
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Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
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They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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