I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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