I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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