my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
