He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
