she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
