I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
